For the last few weeks I have been hit by dysphoric depression and just could not shift it no matter what I tried. My mate Sam, also a Trans guy sent me this short clip from YouTube. It worked so I am posting it here as a reminder for myself when I feel isolated and in the darkness. It is an amazing process of transition from one state to another.
I was out when a buff envelope marked ‘Private and Confidential’ hit my doormat. I am not living stealth so everyone in the house knew what it was as soon as they saw the word Exeter in huge letters so hardly private and confidential really. Alongside it a discreet white envelope containing legal documents also marked ‘Private and Confidential’ then addressed FAO Mr c/o Miss – how in the hell is that private and confidential? Again everyone in the house knew what it would be. Of course I am not that bothered as everyone knows who I am and what is going on and the past person who doesn’t live in me anymore.
The buff envelope had my GIC appointment in, the professional side of transition starts on 4 April. I can’t help but wonder if they picked up on the vibes of me calling Transhealth as I am seriously considering using a private GIC. However Doc M has come up with another option.
This second option is to go to the first appointment in Exeter so the process is started then try for a transfer to Charing Cross in London and if that is a no go then turn to private care as truthfully Exeter is prohibitive on travel, lost income from time off work and accommodation costs to the point the savings I make going private would pay for the first surgery or at least most of it.
The discreet white envelope was my deed poll documents – yeah I know I can do it for nothing but I need it official so paying a few pounds is ok. As of now I am Mr and the name is Jeremy. Now just got to get the officialdom of banks, HMRC, Passport etc updated – that includes the NHS itself. No more the old name from the reception staff and they can just get over it. Now as long as the red tape brigade don’t muff it up all should be plain sailing – I know we are talking administrators and it will get muffed up as that is what they do best. Anyway envelopes with certified copies of the deed poll are posted in buff envelopes to all that need to know. Let the muffing up begin!
As always my love and thanks to all of you who comment and send me messages, especially over the last few weeks as they have helped me keep a sense of up when I was feeling really down.
Love and light
Jeremy Gwion Farmer (Mr)
I subscribe to a journal prompt in my email as they make for good free writing kickers. However today’s question is ‘What do you like more than chocolate?’
This really made me think as just 6 months ago I would have said not a lot. I was a choccy-head to the max. My yearnings for chocolate were so bad that not having it would trigger migraines.
Since I started the T-boost vitamins however, I have lost that, not completely but I do not want chocolate very often. If I do have chocolate it is a mug of hot chocolate. The days of binging out on the stuff seem to have gone; actually even thinking about doing that makes me feel nauseous.
So I did a little research and there does seem to be some sort of link between oestrogen production and chocolate especially in women of menopausal age. Nothing scientifically proven and from what I have read it has nothing to do with the innocent cocoa bean and more to do with additives manufacturer’s pump in during the chocolate making process. Chocolate also contains anandamide which is a neurotransmitter which tells the brain to feel good. So like an antidepressant it can change the mood.
Seeing as I am getting in shape losing the taste for chocolate is a good thing. Now if I could find something to cure for my caffeine addiction I might actually re-educate my body to sleep at night. If chocolate does indeed boost oestrogen production it would explain why now I do not eat it I am feeling more male and more aware of the inner male than ever before. Side-effects of medication are not all bad it would seem.
Love and light