Sat in the waiting room I wished I had arrived on time and not fifteen minutes early. I spent most of that quarter hour struggling to think of anything but why I was there and pretty much failing to do so. Not even the stunning images in the National Geographic could take away the feeling I was about to face the inquisition
Given that I was edgy all went well and I have not been declared a total fruit bat. As far as gender reassignment goes it is a green light. A few things, that are unrelated, have come to light and have to be dealt with somehow. Not even sure I know where to start with any of them but they will be sorted. Now I have to see Doc M again on Friday to keep her informed as to what is happening. The psyche doc was okay, as okay as psyche docs get really.
As expected the stripping down of self has begun as they ask the deep questions no one ever wants to answer and just hearing my voice answer I was seeing one problem that has held me in its grasp too long – so time to dump it. It is not that easy of course, but I will find a way of letting it go. I do wonder what the purpose of some of the stuff they wanted to know is but I guess in order to rebuild the self one must first dismantle the old self.
The old feelings of isolation are back which is normal after a psyche session so I was ready for them. It is a vicious circle I crave solitude yet do not like feeling alone. I need to talk to Sam and clear a few things up as he has been there and done it. Australia is so far away when you need ya best mate.
Fortunately I have lots of research to do for STGG to drag my mind back into the world a bit – the kicking and screaming brain will have to get used to it. STGG is my lifeline at this point as I can focus on other people and not myself. It is also educational for me as I can dig into Trans issues with a bit of journalistic distance as I am doing it for other people not myself so my eye and brain are that bit more critical. If I am feeling like I am the only one in the village someone else is too and we need to change that!
Finally a huge great thank you from the heart to all those of you who sent me messages of support this week – thank you so very much, you really have helped me get through.
Love and light