The Operation

The Operation

 

Taken from my incoherent rambling of a diary for Monday 28 September 2015

To be honest I don’t remember that much. It was still dark when my friend and I left for the hospital and the roads were peaceful. Just as well as we were both tired from the previous night.

 

On arrival I booked in and was taken to my room for the next 24 hours or so. A flurry of people came in and told me stuff, can I remember any of it – not a thing. I ordered food for later in the day, undoubtedly vegetarian as I don’t eat meat that much and probably a bucket of coffee. No coffee since the day before and I know me well enough to know I would have been as edgy as a cat on a hot roof. We were told, so my friend tells me, I was going to theatre for 9.30am but didn’t go until 12. I was back by 2:30pm judging by his post on Facebook.

 

I must have dozed off as they woke me up to give me the anaesthetic, after that the next thing I know was talking to my mate and it was all done. I felt like I had been hit by a wrecking ball but was too groggy to make much sense of anything. The night was one of interrupted sleep as the nurse had to do regular obs on my sugars as I am a diabetic and some painkillers when needed.

 

The procedure can be found here http://transurgery.com/chest-reconstruction/double-incision-technique

 

Mr Yelland, the surgeon, made the cool dude list on Tuesday morning when he came in to sign me out. His tie was superb. Anyone who knows me will know, that means I was back to my normal self even though I physically felt like I had been demolished. So it was home for a week of rest and healing before the post op appointment.

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The Ripple Effect

Trans Swindon

The Ripple Effect

When a pebble is dropped in still water the ripples expand across the surface growing larger and larger. Today I am going to ask each of us, who feels able to, to become a little pebble.

Just before my surgery Janey and I discussed the high rate of suicide within the transgender community with Sim Courtie on BBC Radio Wiltshire. The latest statistics show 48% of transgender people attempt suicide before the age of 25. This compares to a figure of 23% among the general population in the same age range.

There are ways we can significantly reduce this figure. In fact, we can almost eradicate it. Statistics have proven that 93% of transgender suicide attempts could be avoided if the transgender individual felt safe, accepted and supported by their family and friends. Teenage years are problematic and stressful at the best of times, but when an individual is faced…

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I am an Intersex Person. I never felt like a Cis Gender Person and I Relate to Some Transgender Men

A moving reflection – hope you don’t mind me sharing

Mx. Anunnaki Ray

cropped-screen-shot-2015-12-07-at-12-19-55-am.png End of First Year: December, 2015

I am a person born with intersex traits, that was assumed to be female, and raised female.  A Cis Gender person identifies as the gender they are assigned to at birth.  I do not, nor have I ever felt Cis Gender, even when I appeared female.  All the therapy and surgery in the world could never achieve that with me, however, there are some intersex people who do identify as being Cis Gender. Each of us are so different.

I know many intersex people who were assigned the wrong gender like I was.  I have never felt 100% male or female; although I definitely identify with being male, far more than female.  Please note, I do not speak for other intersex people.  I only share my experience, strength and hope.

Until I honored my true gender, that of being a Non-binary, Gender Fluid…

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Omens and Eclipses

blood-moon-full-red-600x450

Written at some point on the night of 27 September 2015

Travelling down to Hastings was event free, the conversation easy and nicely distracting from what was going to happen the next day. We stopped at Cobham Services for coffee and sinful donuts. Donuts are a very rare treat for me so they always taste awesome.

It was getting dark by the time we were driving through Kent to East Sussex with the aroma of hops teasing our noses. I had forgotten the utter deliciousness of that. I must have drifted into my memories a bit, as the next thing I know was a glorious reflection of the full moon shimmering on the English Channel and we were nearing the end of the journey.

My friend dropped me off with the friend I was staying with. Again easy conversation and a chilled out atmosphere and I am too calm, I know I am too calm. Tomorrow I am having surgery and I’m not even feeling a slight sense of nervousness, just an amazing sense of calm that life is beginning to go the way it should be.

We watched the lunar eclipse. Light pollution in Hastings is so much less than in Swindon. The darkness of the sky made so many more stars visible and the colour of the moon was a deep blood red. A truly blood moon and prophetic to a Pagan like me. Blood moons are omens of an end and a change in life. I wasn’t going to watch it as I knew it would set my mind into thinking.

Thinking, oh yes, the thoughts started coming thick and fast. Back in bed for another nap before leaving for the hospital – sleep wasn’t going to happen quickly. So I let the thoughts come. Not once was it ‘am I making a mistake’. I never have had that thinking really. I have known my male identity too long to think it is a mistake or doubt myself on it.

Omens are not all doom and gloom and, when you think about it, what does the end mean. It just means something stops. The pretence of being content in a female body has come to end. For a new beginning, something must end and for the man I know to exist that pretence must end and tomorrow it ends, there is no going back.
©JG Farmer 2015