Your Name Can’t Be That

Topic: Frustration Explaining Legal Documents


Officialdom is a pain in the butt for most people, However when I am asked for proof of identity I know the invasive questions are coming. Do I know I have a man’s name? Why do you want to be a man? And so on and on. Before that I had to change my name on my legal docs. That was the easy part really. One or two questioned it but nothing too horrific.

However being asked invasive questions normally means I have been read as trans. When the questions start I shrivel up inside. I answer what is necessary and refuse point blank to answer more than that. This is my personal life and not really anyone else’s concern. A trans person’s life is put out there for scrutiny and that really is more than frustrating it is downright annoying. I do not offer opinions or judgements on other people’s personal matters why is it okay for them to do it to me?

I do not think it is okay. It is totally not okay. In fact it hurts like hell when someone who has no business questioning my private matters thinks they can demand to know every intimate detail because they see me as a freak. It is bigotry, it is prejudice and it is degrading. These people are random strangers and have no reason to know what is and what isn’t.

There are people I talk openly and freely with, these people are close friends and know they can ask anything and I will not be offended by it because I know they are not being offensive but supportive. To support me they need to understand me so sometimes they need to ask questions that coming from random strangers would be at best offensive.

There have been times I have gone to the supermarket and handed my card to the checkout and they have looked at me saying this is not your card it belongs to a man. I then have to get out my evidence that says I am Mr. One time the checkout operator asked to see evidence I was receiving GRS therapies. At that point I asked to see her manager and it got dealt with in a more appropriate manner. Yes that is good managers know what to do but it should never have got to that point, staff should be trained to deal with customers appropriately.

I understand someone questioning a man’s name on my card and it may be a pain to show them a deed poll but there are many people out their using stolen cards – I appreciate that. However when proof is given to demand for proof of trans status is not acceptable.


Love and light



9 thoughts on “Your Name Can’t Be That

  1. I was just talking with a college administrator about this. We are told, in conservative areas down here stateside, that we should keep our personal lives that private. Somehow, being “trans” falls under the same category! I hate to break it, but in what really still is a highly gendered society, when you identify as a gender opposite of what society wants to dictate solely based on a set of gonads, it’s not something we can do! Even for people who choose to live in stealth, and who want to gender-conform, when we present ourselves but then some cis discovers our “secret” and mocks us, they still turn around and say we’re flaunting it. I won’t be forced back into the closet and forced to live “like a girl” when the dysphoria almost caused me to commit suicide. We try to live our lives privately, but society will always be nosy and love to gossip; when someone discovers our “dirty little secret”, they then mock us, ask us how we know, and then blame the victim for all the shit that happens to us. No fair! Can’t wait till I can finally earn enough to change my name and the marker on at least my driver’s license…

  2. All my documents have my (chosen) name and my photo on them (F as the sex marker) and I get some people who do the back and forth with the photo and my face, but since my photo looks like me, they generally shrug it off. The only problems I’ve had are airport security, when they couldn’t tell by looking at me whether I was male or female and didn’t know who should pat me down, and having an ambiguous name leaning towards male (Jamie Ray) didn’t help. But so far no one has accused me of using stolen cards.

    • My marker is now M, so my passport will show that – still waiting the delight of that interview. I have never been actually accused of using a stolen card but the implication was certainly there in that instance.

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