The True Meaning of Friendship



The next heading in the project is the impact of transition on friends. Certainly coming out as Trans to my friends was somewhat revealing and frequently surprising.

I am going to start with my best friend and even though she has now passed to spirit I know for a fact she would not want me to butter this up in sweetness. We had been friends over 30 years when I told her I was Trans and going to change gender. Hardly surprising my devoutly feminist best mate was shocked and reacted accordingly. In fact we ended up having quite a nasty exchange of words. Over the course of life we have done that a few times and in the end this was no different. A few days later she called me and referred to me as Jez and Bro. To be honest we had been some tough shit in our time as friends, transition was really not going to be a problem.

In general, friends have either been supportive or totally against my transition. Coming out has revealed a fair bit of animosity from some friends I believed would be more supportive. Now they are not part of my life and have not been for a fair while I realise that in most cases they never really were. In some cases it has been a painful experience as it involved people I trusted deeply and enough to talk it out with them in the early days of my transition.

On a more positive note I have discovered during transition that some of my friendships are so deep that the connection between us is more of a close family one than anything else.

I have always believed people come into our lives for a reason, perhaps because we have something to gain from them or them from us. The simple fact is people change and grow which sometimes means a friendship may have run its course and it is time to move on. It often takes a major event to highlight that the time to go on separate ways


Love and light



9 thoughts on “The True Meaning of Friendship

  1. When Facebook came along I thought it would be neat to reconnect with friends from grade school, junior high, high school, and college. Nope. There’s a reason why I didn’t maintain contact with them.

    • I dread to think of the reaction I’d get if I reconnected with some of my school friends now. I think maybe I have changed just a little bit too much for some of them to cope with.

      People come into our lives for a reason and for sure they leave for a reason too. Being human we do tend to look back through rose tinted glasses sometimes.

  2. dear Jeremy,
    You are a most tender soul and I am so glad that we have met! What you have said about friends is a very familiar pattern to me as well. Once I was out as gay, some left to never return OR if they remained, it was not a subject to speak about and it made my relationships suffer. I will not repeat that mistake with these people NOW or in the future. I have also found the same to be true with those I am open about my depression. It overwhelms them and they walk away. Their silence is deafening! So…we move on…and appreciate all the more those who surround us with their love and acceptance. I am so glad we are becoming better acquainted. Your strength to be who you are, has given me the strength to be who I am. Blessings on you each moment of every day!

    • Hi Jane

      I am sorry you can relate to what I write, I wish nobody else did, I couldn’t wish that pain on to anyone. Having siad that I do believe sometimes we need to find out just who we can trust and probably more importantly just who we should definitely not. I have learned to truly value those friends who are truly friends, both old and new, real world and virtual. I slam the internet as a medium of communication sometimes but with out people like you in what for me is a god forsaken hour of the night I don’t know what i would do.

      Love and light dear one, please know how much I value your friendship

      Jez xx

  3. Hey Jem, I’ve missed you over on Facebook. I was searching for prompts and knew you’d have awesome ones when I realized I hadn’t seen you in awhile. Came through here by your last post over there. Just want to say, friendship is one of those things you just don’t know you have until you need it, and then, it may very well be too late. Went through the same thing with a 30+ year friend when I was diagnosed with PTSD and Depression. Found there was no friend at all there. Love you and truly miss your writing and your prompts and your face and you fantastic view.

    • Hi Donna,

      What can I say but welcome to the real me.

      You are so right, however, I do think sometimes we need to know who our real friends are and yes that normally takes something quite drastic to reveal the reality. Damn hurts though.

      Love and light

  4. I’m going through this right now with my two best friends of over 30 years. I have not heard one word from them about my transition which is upsetting me and it feels like a rejection until I hear otherwise. I’m quite ok with the idea that maybe they will not come along for the rest of my journey in this life but I would like them to at least acknowledge my letter. It’s sad and frustrating.

    • i can understand that too, at least some sort of feedback, even the goodbye one, allows us to get on with life. I have a few who never bothered to get back to me and now, as it has been over a year, I am taking that as a goodbye only because I need to move on for myself.

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