I Will Always See You As…

Family Life

This is the next topic in my articles on issues that affect a Transgendered person.

Predominantly the reason I hid my true self, the man, away from the world is family. How does one tell a parent their only daughter is not a daughter but another son? How does one explain to children their mother is really a man? And so the list grows.

While the boys were children it was a relatively easy choice, growing up in this world is hard enough without throwing a Transgendered parent into the mixing bowl of youth. Now they are grown men themselves they are only concerned with me being happy as I am so telling them that I am Jez was easy – I knew they would be cool about it. In private they still call me Mum but in public it is Jez, yeah with a few slips now and then as is bound to happen.

Telling my parents was the hardest thing I have ever done. I suppose in their eyes I have killed their only daughter but truth is I never was that person. The truth is since I was of teenage years I have put a mask on in front of them so they saw what they wanted to see – a daughter. Even once I had started my transition as I did not know how far I was going to need to go I did not say anything. I withdrew from making family connections and that was something I needed to do. However once the changes in me had become more than little obvious I had to come out the closet once and for all. It has not been easy and still is not easy but I hope in time we will get there.

Siblings and their families is also a difficult issue. As I don’t see them from one year to the next you could say it does not really matter but it does. In the case of my brothers I was very aware that there could come a time we would have to meet and the concept of these two guys expecting to see some chick in a frock and finding a bearded dude in a suit and tie was not a good one. I am very aware that I have left one brother the unenviable task of maybe having to tell his teenagers that Auntie is now Uncle. However I know like my boys his kids are of a different generation when these things are less of a problem.

My grandparents are all in spirit but I believe in spiritual connection so have let them know through the ether. In life I doubt they would have been too willing to understand as they were of a different time when sexuality and gender were set in stone as only being acceptable as heterosexual and binary.

Coming out to family about anything they may not like to hear is never going to be easy. However we can be blinded by how we think someone is going to react. Coming out is very much saying this is how things are – take it or leave it. Trying to predict how someone will react to the news is actually being quite judgemental when we are asking them not to judge us. So instead we hide behind a falseness to keep the truth hidden and that, in its own way, is an imprisonment. Coming out, whether it ended good or bad, liberated me from that prison and has allowed me to learn to be me, to live as me and actually enjoy it instead of hating on myself for the pretense.


Love and light



12 thoughts on “I Will Always See You As…

  1. Dear Jez,

    It is true that even just a single generation ago humans had issues with sexuality, identity and ability. I think our children along with having the challenges of a new century along with all the modernization (namely breathing electronics, which could be disadvantageous to human health in general) are in fact blessed with an upgraded moral code of conduct. Which really was always there: treat others as you would wish to be treated. I am with you in waiting for a time when all around the globe will honor each person without labels of man or woman, what country they or their parents came from or the standardized notions of just what is ‘ability’.

    Love and light, Jules

    • Hi Jules

      Thank you for your wonderful comment.

      I look back over the last 30+ years and I can see the changes, rapid changes, in how we see people. Race, sexuality, gender, religion, age, disability are no reason to hate on each other. It’s by no means perfect, but the internet and hi-tech has given us such a great opportunity to see the world change in favour of equality and fight for that change – I am proud to be part of that.

      i believe deep down all humans know what is right and wrong morally even if some refuse to see it. i am glad the tide has turned as the more people that recognise humanity is humanity, no matter what, the more corrupt and misguided the haters seem to appear.

      Love and light

      • Dear Jez

        I enjoy watching Sci-Fi, in Star-Trek and Star Wars you can see different species act and co-operate. While my young grandson is not fond of some of the cartoons where the character has three eyes or even just one eye – it is a matter of both exposure, acceptance and tolerance. Just like the song from the play South Pacific; ‘You’ve got to be carefully taught.’ The true monsters are those who are not willing to give an inch in order to gain a mile of understanding. And unfortunately some of those ‘monsters’ are in positions of authority.

        I grew up in the 1960’s in an area where there was more tolerance and diversity so I always tried to teach my own children to not be prejudice. There will always be things that we might not be fond of but it is how we react in a public setting that shows maturity.

        Hopefully those who are corrupt, misguided and full of hate can live in their own limited worlds without damaging the rest of us.

        Love and light

        • Thank you Jules. I totally agree that things like Star Wars other sci-fi teach us how to get along with others in co-existence.

          Given the way the majority embrace equality over the years it is the haters that lose in the end. I think however haters will always find something to hate, currently it is all guns firing at LGBT but we are winning the battles and will win the war. Then it will be the next group of people they hit on and we have to ready to fight back for them too

          Love and light

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