That Question!

From The Guardian


It seems a lot of people want to know how FtM make out in the bedroom. It is wonderful to have such privacy even your sex life comes under scrutiny and really what goes on is between the Transguy and whoever he is making out with. How would a cisgendered person feel if they were asked within minutes of meeting someone how they do it? Folks, just don’t ask ok it really is not a good idea.

However my editor asked me to cover the subject of the FtM and Sex and writing that article has left me thinking. From the questions I was asked to answer one thing is standing out as vital. It is something that is vital in any relationship too. It is the act of communication. Talking about the issues we face with those we are close to is vital and more so when it comes to sex. Intimate conversation has to be tackled carefully as even using female terms can trigger dysphoria.

By choice I have refrained from intimacy since my transition began. In the beginning I was very aware of what I see as my short-comings and how they can cause upset with a partner. I was also very aware how transition could send my sexuality and awareness of it into disarray. It didn’t mean my sex drive died, I still got horny with nothing I could do about it. Even a hand-job doesn’t work when you reach down to grab your dick and there’s nothing there. I don’t regret that choice. I needed the time out to sort me out and adjust to living as me.

There are other options available and it isn’t rocket science to work them out so I am not going to go into detail. I’ve always been the top or giver in a relationship for a reason beyond the kink of doing that there is the ability to keep to a minimum the bits I don’t want touched from being touched. Keeping my chest covered in a t shirt or binder made it more comfortable to relax. How a binder can make anything more comfortable is bizarre but it does. In essence I got my kicks in other ways.

The answer to that question then ‘how do we do it?’ – just like anyone else to the mutual satisfaction of all involved. I said I was not going to do details and I am not if someone is that bothered may I suggest they take a trip to a sex shop and look around – some of the answers are there.


Love and light



6 thoughts on “That Question!

  1. It’s weird the things people think they need to know about someone they are not going to have an intimate relationship with, when that category includes most other people.They don’t feel the need to ask everyone those questions, and I don’t know why someone being trans is taken as an invitation to do differently

    • I wish I knew why they feel they have a right to know. Given three recent conversations in a coffee bar they get quite offended when you politely point out it is a private matter

      • I really don’t get it, though I have met plenty of dysfunctional people on gay scenes who seemed to purposely push things in an attempt to put you in a corner and make you either look defensive or bemused by their rudeness, simply because you hold on to simple ideas of personal dignity, so I’m afraid nothing surprises me anymore.

        • I guess I thought having one’s privacy invaded was something that was a bad female privilege – it just gets worse but now predominantly it is women. Sometimes all there is left to do is – GROAN! and let it go!

          • I wondered if it is more men or women – I’m afraid it is a rare woman who has real equal respect for a man’s physical dignity (though they do exist), and if they are viewing you as the man that you are, then you may be getting that as well. Yeah, let go and leave em to themselves 😉

Share your thoughts

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s