Redressing the Balance

Redressing the balance 1

 

As a solitary witch I have never had a real problem balancing my transition with my beliefs. That does not mean I have not asked myself deep questions of faith regarding my gender identity. I believe the Divine is masculine, feminine and all things in between and as all life is of the Divine thus life itself is that way.

However it has not always been that easy as I used to be very feminist in my attitude and only align with goddesses and negating the role of the gods and also of men in humanity. I now realise that anger and hatred towards anything male was my own denial mechanism against my true gender identity. In effect I was hiding behind a subconscious screen because I was not ready to face the reality, not that one can ever be fully ready for such a huge change in life.

In the process of my spiritual journey I started letting the gods be more prominent in my working and in doing so I have given myself permission to be. In the ancient days the Celts referred to the mystical and spiritual as those who walked between two worlds and I believe that is part of Druidry (not wholly sure on that). While I was identifying as genderqueer in a sense I was doing that, and taking advantage of that neutral space to find myself.

As I have said before I do not know where my transition will end. What I do know is I am more balanced in myself and secure in my own identity than I ever have been. Being an FtM can be lonely as there are so few of us, but I think the more those of us who are open share our experiences the more who are in some sort of denial will find the courage to come out.

A big turning point for me was realising family relationships do not change simply because they cannot change. I will still be a mother to my sons and a daughter to my mother whether I get a dick or not. That realization lifted so much guilt from my shoulders it is incredible.  I still get moments when I think ‘Oh my god I have killed her’ but they are few and far between and not laden with that ‘g’word. I do not want those relationships to change – I do not want them to feel that loss, of course I don’t.

Once again I am grateful to all of you who send messages of support, it is truly appreciated.

Love and light

Jeremy

 

redressing the balance

Advertisements

13 thoughts on “Redressing the Balance

  1. I really wanted to ask you Jeremy, what would you say is the difference between being a male mother and a father, or a male daughter and a son? Aside from social expectations and traditional roles of course.

    Incidentally, my family relationships changed radically throughout my life, in fact if they hadn’t I think it would have been quite intolerable, but everyone’s situations are different. The “labels” were still there though for other people, even if they were largely empty in my case.

    peace

    Mo

    • Hi Mo,

      Seriously I doubt there is one but that is not going to stop my head playing games with me on it, which it does now and then. I have really had to take a grip on the concept it makes no difference as it was eating me up a bit.

      Relationships change, of course they do, they evolve or dissolve as we do. Nothing can change the biology even a one night sperm donation is still a father whether he has any input on the child’s life or not, even if we want to we cannot change that.

      love and light brother
      Jeremy

      • I like the idea of no difference personally 🙂 the important thing is you find your own way through things and look after yourself.

        Biology is that big, cruel, irreducible circumstance that I just have to say “so what” to. Honestly, it’s like wtf dude, this is meant to have meaning? Which isn’t to say that I don’t like physicality, but all the sacred narratives and ownership made out of a process that basically does itself for its own ends, ugh.

        If only love and intelligence were as unavoidable, and self-perpetuating, as biology – that would be amazingly cool 🙂

        back atcha bro

        • Unfortunately biology does not carry an automatic sense of responsibility as far as parenting a child is concerned. Parenthood is not sacred perhaps it should be so we as a species learn to do it properly rather than raise a kid to be a carbon copy of some ideal in a book – ideals are not real and a child will eventually revert to its own being, often painfully so in adult hood

          • I think it would be good if procreation was treated as this horrendous thing that nobody should feel clever about, then if you really want to have kids you get to treat the kids as a sacred trust. I have often felt that we get things so wrong, We treat kids as if they were created by parents (which is an obscene idea), when actually it is parents that are created by the children they have the privilege to be loved by. I really think anyone who goes around brainwashing their children into thinking that they were “given life” or “created” by them is de facto a psychological child abuser, and playing the kind of “God” I don’t even believe in.

            Oh and I know you were not that kind of parent Jeremy, just to be clear.

          • As parents we have a duty to allow our offspring to grow into their own being not what we think they should or more to the point should not be. That does not mean as seems the current trend not teaching discipline when a child does wrong. It is contentious as the line between overtaking a child’s sense of self and teaching standards and morals is almost non-existent. It really is not something that should be done on a whim. You are right a parent is only as ‘good’ as the adult there child becomes.

            I got lucky and have two fine young guys behind me – is that my doing, in part I guess it might be.

          • yes I think it must be – I’m always grateful for things I did get from my parents. It’s funny, parenthood is a hard job for any sane parent, yet there are real slobs that think it’s all some god given “instinct” and never seem to have any kind of self doubt, or sense of responsibility or sensitivity. Raising a child is such an important thing to do.

Share your thoughts

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s