I saw this post on Victoria Oldham’s blog – link, and thought I would answer the same questions visualizing how I see the man I will be. As I really have no idea how things will pan out I have used a bit of creative licence.
Make that a lot of creative licence!!!
This bit is easy as I am already looking more like my dad. 5’5” as I am already and that will not change to any great degree. Short dark hair, slicked back. Goatee and moustache.
I already have 4 tattoos but see myself having quite a few more marking key points of the transition. Also piercings . There will be scars inevitably from the realignment surgeries.
Goals, short term and long term:
Short term: Top surgery and T therapy so I can truly begin the RLE. It is difficult to live the reality of masculine when a DD bust is getting in the way. RLE is vital as it helps prepare the transitioning person for the way life will be.
Long Term: The point where the transition no longer dictates my life and I can get back on with writing and researching. I am also now seeing myself in the future as fully male so lower surgery is more than likely on the cards too.
Using Greek archetypes I think it is the Explorer. Each day I am becoming aware of an inherent need to be true to myself and discover for myself who I am. There is no shortcuts each day has to be lived so I can move forward.
How do they move through the world:
Making as little disturbance as is humanly possible. In some ways I like feeling invisible and unnoticed right now – it means I am passing! The day will come when I do not have to worry about that and it really cannot come soon enough. Being mis-gendered in public is not a pleasant experience.
Very much an old-school gentleman, in the style of Lord Peter Wimsey. Quietly intellectual hidden behind a foppish demeanour. Yeah I like that!!!
Right now I keep others at a long distance through necessity. What will Jeremy find attractive, or who, well I already know the answer to that and it remains private.
Going backwards, I will not go back to the past; it is gone – she is gone!
To be who I am and not have to justify every breath and thought. I would also like to see the world change to a more ecological stable one but I will not be holding my breath on that either.
This has been quite a challenge to write so thank you for the push Victoria.
Love and light